Alive but not living, Breathing but suffocating, Looking but not seeing, Smelling but not inhaling, Touching but not feeling, Hearing but not listening, The condition of my soul.
Looking for love in temporary sources, Equating real love with false scenarios and people,
Dying to hold on to time to only substitute the numbness that I felt, Feeling that passed as the seasons, Without clear indication or signs of coming and passing, The condition of my soul.
I was beautiful, wasn’t I? I was confident, wasn’t I? I was brilliant, wasn’t I? I was loved, wasn’t I?
There came a wind as strong and refreshing as the oceans gusts, It filled my nostrils and rumbled my soul, My eyes opened and saw a light that so brilliantly illuminated all that I thought I saw before, It was different and meaningful what I saw.
I looked at myself and saw a complexity of divine beauty that could only be crafted of the highest artistry, A sight that called for a deep inhale that brought the sweetest savor to my nostrils that I could almost taste it in my mouth.
Caught up in the moment I reached out my hands only to feel the softest but strongest delicate fabric that the hand could feel, There in the light there was a force that was pulling the fabric and drawing me nearer to the light. Then, I heard a voice say,” Come my child, for I have waited for you such a long time”, The familiarity of the voice brought tears to my eyes for I had heard this voice before only as a murmur but now truly understanding what was said.
At that moment, I knew that I was living, NO LONGER DEAD, No longer questioning being loved,
But Loved, Beautiful, Confident, Brilliant, Did I mention LOVED. The voice continued,
“You are the glory of my hands, the epitome of my craftmanship. your are ALL THAT. You were loved before time and thought of before life as you know it. I loved you so much that I wanted you to be happy with or without me. But the angels rejoice for you have chosen to one day dwell with us.”
Originally written January 25, 2008